I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for taking the time to check out my blog. One of my readers asked me what my dreams and goals in life were. I figured this would be a good time to let you all know what my philosophy on life was. It's weird how much it's changed in the past couple of years; I'm not really sure if my change in philosophy was triggered by my acceptance of my sexuality, or if the my acceptance of my own sexuality triggered a change in my philosophy. I do know that the two are definitely related.
Up until about three years ago, my entire outlook on life revolved around money. When asked what my number one goal in life was, I'd reply that "I'd like to own a black Bentley Continental coupe, and own a mansion in an exclusive beach town in Massachusetts." If people were curious about my political philosophy, I'd tell the I was a Republican (because in my mind republicans and money were synonymous. I don't feel that was anymore. Please don't be offended by me if you hail from the right). I went to a college that specialized in business, and decided I'd major in finance (because in my mind high paying job and finance were synonymous).
At this school, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of close minded people. And I found myself uncomfortably agreeing with what they said. When proposition 8 passed, one of my friends said he was glad that gay people were no longer allowed to get married in Ca, and without much thought I agreed with him. In another instance, a kid was telling a group of us how he told a gay student that he couldn't live in their suite because "the rest of their parents wouldn't be comfortable with them living with a gay person." I remember that i had to think about what they said for a minute, but decided it was probably best to agree with them. It was basically the attitude amongst the entire school. No one else was quick to argue with those kids anyways, so why should I? But I felt uneasy.
I transferred to a school in Boston, because as I've said in all three of my previous posts, it's where I belong. My professors at this school had a huge impact on how I viewed myself as well as the rest of the world. Maybe gay people should be able to get married. Maybe people who can't afford health insurance shouldn't be forced to live without it. I realized that maybe I should consider everyone else's situation before I could quickly draw conclusions on my own.
I also realized that money wasn't going to make me happier. I always viewed it as my way out of the misery I was feeling at that time; as soon as I was rich, I wouldn't need anything else to make me happy. I know it's probably the most overused cliche around, but money doesn't buy happiness. I usually feel the happiest when I look back at all the stuff I've done with my friends, as well as my semi-relationships with girls. I need someone new in my life.
BC: That college opened your eyes and expanded your horizons is not surprising. So many of us, coming out of high school, living in our sheltered worlds, full of confidence really have been ignorant of some many things. With life experience brings knowledge and tolerance of new ideas and people.
ReplyDeleteSince I was the one who asked this question, I would suggest you more specific about what it is you want out of life. You kind of talked around the question -- you mentioned what you no longer are focused on, you discussed your views about other people, but what about you? What do you want?
Everyone wants happiness to some degree -- so perhaps you can explain what are the things that would make you happy.